confession of the day

seduction

The AT&T commercial just called the new blackjack's seductive. And I believe them.

If anyone wants to seduce me or knows someone who may want to seduce me the phone is definitely the way to go. In red please.

get me a beer

When discussing a singer on American Idol Simon said the following:

"I would like you if I was drunk...Sober I don't think it works."

I say the same to you.

more than most

I just read the most ridiculous article on people.com. And yes, I am aware of how ridiculous that last sentence sounded. This is the title of the article: Jake Is Taking Heath's Death 'Harder Than Most'

They were best friends and Jake is Matilda's godfather. First of all, what does 'harder than most' even mean? Harder than his parents and siblings or maybe harder than his favorite barista at Starbucks?

All I know is that when I die I would hope to think that my best friend and godparent to my child would be more devastated then random people! That is why I keep so many 'best friends' around...that way I can assure at least one them will be more devastated than most.

kingston rossdale

I was looking at picture of Gwen Stefani with her kid Kingston...and is ti me or is he not growing as fast as the other Hollywood kids? No, I am not talking about Kate Holmes claiming Suri to be a strong 'woman.' It just seems like Violet, Apple, Suri, and the other kids seem to be grwoing a lot faster.

And no, I have no idea when these kids were actually born so I have no idea how old they are and if it is fair to comapre them or not...

If you can shed some light on this please feel free to comment.

confession of the day

and I only wish I was joking...

in case you wondering...

and I have a major case of sunday afternoon blues on a tuesday afternoon...

no confession, just an apology

you obviously do

Nothing drives me crazier then when I am reading an article on the internet and then I scan the comments. People in this country are just stupid. They say the most ridiculous things. I love the one guy who can only insult people by calling them gay. I also love the ones that manage to tun everything into a religious debate. My favorite though? The ones who comment with 'WHO CARES?' 9 out of 10 will write in caps by the way. You know they are overcompensating for their pathetic lives by trying to make you feel stupid for reading the article.

The thing is...you saw the link on the home page. You clicked on it. You read the article. You took the time to write a comment. Trust me, you are the pathetic one.

bartlett for president

Bravo is showing a bunch of west wing episodes today...all from during his re-election campaign. It makes me dream of a day when democrats rule the world again.

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THIS IS THE IDIOT'S LAST STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS!!!

357 days left in this presidency.

the ann curry question

I know it seems random but Pete wanted more polls. And I think she is a dividing figure in the Today show's gang. Plus, I managed to tie it in with food. How good am I?

calling in sick

So I am the queen of calling in sick to work when I am in fact not sick. I firmly believe in my right to take 'mental health' days. Now riddle me this batmans, why is it that when I am actually not feeling well, I have such a hard time not going in?

confession of the day

sports injury

You may not guess this by looking at me these days but I used to actually play sports and do physical activities. What will not come as a shock though is that I often got injured. I have broken a finger playing handball, fractured an elbow roller skating, had a variety of shoulder and elbow ailments from swimming and tennis. From soccer I have sprained my back, done damage to both my knees, and got a minor concusson. My ankles have suffered the most damage with torn ligaments to the right one, numerous sprains on both, tendonittis on the left. Last night though I suffered perhaps my funniest and most dangerous injury yet. I can proudly say that I nearly blinded myself playing darts.

Now, I know what you are thinking. Darts can be dangerous right? Throwing sharp objects as hard as you can. If you have played with Jeremy and Wes you know the seem to throw as hard as a major league pitcher. Did I stand in the way of one of their throws? Of course not, that would be too easy! I actually managed to get injured removing the dart from the board. After a particularly good throw I walked over to the board and pulled the darts out as hard as I could in an attempt at intimidation. One flew out of my hands right into my left eye. Even popped a blood vessel.

A couple of years ago a college baseball player broke his leg after the semi-final of the college world series during the post game celebratory pile up. He couldnt play in the finals. I thought it was funny. Now I feel like I am just like him.

For the record, I had one of my best dart playing nights. Until my injury derailed it all.

hallmark

I just cried watching a hallmark commercial. The end is near.

just wanted to say

he kind of has a point

A quote by American Idol Simon Cowell regarding the US after someone's family and friends were all exited that they made it to Hollywood. And don't tell me you haven't thought of this when forcing yourself to celebrate yet another new promotion, job, marriage, baby, etc...

"You know what's amazing about this country is that you're genuinely happy when someone you know does well.... The idea of me knowing somebody, they get good news and celebrating with them — I couldn't do it."

confession of the day

wonder woman

Have you seen the new wonder woman bellow the me section? Yes, that is me circa 1983-84. Every chance I got (almost every day after school) I would put on my wonder woman costume.

Remember when life was just that fun & simple? If only now, when having a bad day I could just put on my red cape and it would give me the power to fight all the injustices of the world, real and imaginary.

John Mayer said it best...

Oh, if only my life was more like 1983
all these things would be more like they
were at the start of me
If my life was more like 1983
plot a course to the source of the
purest little part of me
...whatever happened to my lunchbox
when came the day that it got
thrown away and don't you think I should have had some say
in that decision

I guess my feeling of being invincible is somewhere with my strawberry shortcake lunchbox...

on sobriety

It turns out that Wes was sober this whole weekend. This is not that big of a deal, but it is slightly unusual. On Sunday he shared the following gems with me:

~If I don't have a hangover to cure, I don't have anything in my life.

I think he really is onto something here. As nice as it feels to wake up not hungover it does take some of the adventure out of living. It is hard to wake up and face life without having to develop a game plan for survival. No desperate attempts at eating the right kinds of food, drinking the right kinds of liquids in the right order, no begging God to just take you and no empty threats to never drink again. What is the fun in that? It also reminds me of one of my favorite quotes regarding alcohol by Frank Sinatra: "I feel sorry for people who don't drink, when they wake up in the morning that is as good as they are going to feel all day."

~Sobriety is for lovers and West Virginia is still for casual sex.

Go to a bar/restaurant/party and the drunkest people there are those who are single and those who have been in a relationship/married too long aka those who are miserable. Only people in love have a reason to stay sober.

I'm ready for my drink now.

i know this sounds crazy

Even though that one song on the radio is kind of catchy, is it bad that I want to hate Natasha Bedingfield just because her album is called 'Pocketful of Sunshine'? It just feels so happy. Pocketful of Despair, Pocketful of Resentment, Pocketful of Lost Dreams? Now, those titles I would buy. Because you know, I need to listen to sad music like a fat kid needs you know what...

no confession, just a reminder

a new low

So I thought Wes and I had reached a new low a couple of weekends ago when on a Saturday night we had dinner at 5:30pm, followed by a trip to Target (my second of the day by the way) where we actually paid money for the new Celine Dion album. Well, folks I was wrong. A new low was reached tonight. Tonight I received a call from him and we then proceeded to sit on the phone and talk while watching the Ms. America pageant. From LAST October. The outcome has been decided folks and still, there we sat, talking and watching. I feel sad for us.

consider yourself warned

So Heath Ledger was found naked and people I have talked to have had a weird reaction to that. I am here to announce that if I am ever found dead at my house there is about a 97.5% chance that I will be partially naked. So, if I am ever missing and you think something may have happened to me just know that if you are not ready to see me naked please send someone else over to my house.

confession of the day

mlk day aka i don't have to work day! part 10

4:36 pm: Finally gave in and opened a beer.
4:39 pm: This is the one where David and Donna finally get back together. Her mom is selling the house and David plans one last 'xmas' there. I am cring. I know I need help.
4:45 pm: OMG. Tomorrow, 4 & 5 pm cst. The last 2 episodes of 90210. Set your DVRs. Such crazy, great memories of watching these last episodes junior year. Friends graduating, friends announcing pregnancies, superhero mac-n-cheese, drinking in the afternoon. Glad to know that other than graduating it is all still the same in my life...8 years later. Awesome.
4:52 pm: Okay kids, this has been fun. Since all good things come to an end I will end today's blogging and leave you with this one final deep thought: Donna Martin graduates!

mlk day aka i don't have to work day! part 9

3:27 pm: Watching ABC Family. What I Like About You with Amanda Bynes and Jennie Garth. Now Jennie and I had some ups and downs during the 90210 era but it turns out I really like her. She be real funny y'all.
3:31 pm: Could Jessica Alba pick worse movie roles? This latest one about seeing death makes me want to gauge my eyes out.
3:33 pm: I am so bored. And why are all commercials so stupid?
4:04 pm: You only have an hour left! Yay! I am so proud of my little working friends!
4:07 pm: I have just realized I got nothing done today. Starting to get depressed. Sunday afternoon blues on a Monday afternoon.
4:09 pm: No fear, 90210 is on. The later years.

mlk day aka i don't have to work day! part 8

2:45 pm: No nap. Slight cleaning. Trying to figure out what is the deal with Eddie Murphy's love life. He leaves his wife and kids, procreates with Scary Spice but refuses to admit it until the dna test, then has elaborate bora bora wedding ceremony with Tracy Edmonds. Two weeks later they are not making it official and will remain friends? What no one knows if they are friends in a Goldie Hawn/Kurt Russelkind of way or in the way I am friends with all of you. It gives me a headache.
2:49pm: Does anyone want to have a Bora Bora wedding with me?

mlk day aka i don't have to work day! part 7

12:55pm-1:20pm: The grocery store. A few thoughts...
~ Why was everyone in midtown at the Schnucks? Why can't we learn to just not go there?
~I like sporty guys. What I don't like is guys who go overboard on the sporty clothes. Listen up, there is no need to wear a Cardinals jacket with an Oregon hat. The green cap w/ gold O clashes with the red and blue jacket. Unless you are a rookie with the Cardinals organization that played for Oregon. Oh, wait it was Oregon State that won the CWS the last 2 years not Oregon so there is really no need.
~Why do old people never know what they want to get at the store? If there is one segment of the population that has the time to plan out their grocery trip is retired folks.
1:43 pm: Finally got to eat a snack. Options for the next hour are as follows: take nap, clean house, do laundry, run errands. Stay tuned for the decision!!

mlk day aka i don't have to work day! part 6

12:04 pm: Start to sort through laundry.
12:07 pm: Seems overwhelming. Have to sit down.
12:11 pm: Realize I still have laundry to put away from last time. Think about taking the last xanax to cope. Decide to wait for bigger troubles.
12:18 pm: Why is getting dressed so hard? Makes a girl want to spend the day in her underwear.
12:30 pm: Thought of skipping the laundry b/c I found clean clothes. I can always run to target to buy a towel and underwear right?
12:49 pm: Off to find food and have a couple of mini-adventures. Laundry on hold. Will take copious notes on said mini-adventures.

no confession, just a thought

mlk day aka i don't have to work day! part 5

11:00 am: Kate & Allie is on. Love it!
11:02 am: Is it possible to get to the end of all to see on the internet?
11:17 am: Having a moment of boredon, then remember at least I'm not at work :)
11:31 am: About to get in the shower and face the first hard decision of the day. Which kind of shampoo should I use today?
11:50 am: Head and Shoulders. Out of the shower now. What shall I do next?
11:51 am: Apologize for such a boring hour. Now that I am clean I think the day can only improve. And I do mean get funnier.

mlk day aka i don't have to work day! part 4

10:40 am: Still in bed. Still don't know what to do with my day. Need a decision soon.
10:46 am: Is it possible for me to be dying of hunger? I think I am.
10:48 am: Meg is that you with the fried pickles comment? How many times do I have to tell you I hate pickles woman?
10:50 am: Saturday night. Lifetime Movie. 7 things to do before I'm 30. Want to start my own list. Must think on this.

mlk day aka i don't have to work day! part 3

9:49 am: Find Designing Women on Tv Land channel. It is the first one with Julia Duffy and not Delta Burke. During a commercial I find out 'Just Shoot Me' is coming to TV Land. Why oh why? Remember when TV Land and Nick at Nite meant something? Bewiched, Patty Duke, Dobie Gillis, Donna Reed. Those were the days.
10:08 am: moved on to Will and Grace. The one Will abuses pain killers...wish I had pain killers.
10:11 am: Meg suggests KT's nails...very interesting. Shall I do that or the laundromat? One would make me happy, the other would provide material for the blog...
10:13 am: From Karen Walker: I love errands, they are like mini-adventures for undesirables.
10:14 am: I want to go run errands now...and have mini-adventures. And by errands I mean go sit at a bar an get plastered. Oh, the Deli has Wi-Fi AND beer!

mlk day aka i don't have to work day! part 2

9:28 am: read may horoscope it actually says that my year is going to be harder than I want. Ha. When hasn't it?
9:33 am: The last hour of the today show is so painful I am now learning to count to 9 on sesame street. I really wish today was number 8 because that is my favorite number. I wonder what the letter of the day will be. I bet it will be B and not A.
9:35 am: It is amazing the caliber of people that drop in to this show. If anyone likes documentaries check out 'The World According To Sesame Street' about how the show is made all over the world.
9:43 am: There is nothing on tv. MTV has not even tried to entertain me all weekend. Since last Friday they have been running ANTM marathons non-stop. Thats America's Next Top Model for those of you not cool enough. I am already bored and starting to contemplate actually working on my day off...

mlk day aka i don't have to work day!

There used to be a time when MLK day meant something to me. I would volunteer in order to try to better my community, so maybe I was just helping Natalie out but either way I was out there people! Today, it just means a day off from work, a time to mock all my friends that are working. So I will blog today about my adventures so as to help you pass the time. Or is it to rub it in? You decide.

8:20 something am: Wake up. Its my day off why am I wide awake at the same hour I snooze through every other day? Oh life really hates me.
8:39 am: Wes txts me mean message of hate about me being off, goes nicely with Meg's msg from the night before.
8:43 am: Wes calls for morning commute chat. Already forgot what we talked about other than Suzanne Pleshette passing away. After phone call I turn on the tv. Vh-1 is on and Rihanna is begging me to not let the music stop. I promise not only I wont but should I ever decide to go for black women she would be it. She is hot people. Later realize she is only 19 and was born in 1988. Feel a little dirty, I mean she was born the same year I celebrated my first decade. Feel like I need a shower now.
9:01 am Turn on the Today show. Some women are on about some book they wrote 'A girls guide to kickstarting your career into gear' This should be interesting. They tell me that simply thinking that if I work hard I will get rewarded isnt going to work. No shit sherlock. They are stupid and so is their advice. Except for this great line...one of them claims she used to have 'the sunday blues starting on tuesday afternoon.' OMG. Has anyone ever captured my work life so perfectly?!?!?!?!?!??!?

confession of the day

this is so awesome

In case you are wondering, when you are down and out and crying (and I do mean literally crying) about your love life (okay, fine, lack of a love life) the best thing that can happen is for you to innocently check your email and find an email from an ex. You know you should delete that email without even reading it. Of course you read it, and by what he says you know you should be really happy that moron ran out on you. You should be rejoicing the mistakes you never got to make for once, instead of having another pile of regrets on your conscience.

But then you start thinking...since we stopped dating, he has managed to get married, have a kid and get divorced and you, well, you haven't done anything. You have not really dated anyone, in fact you have only made questionable move after questionable move in this aspect of your life. Always waiting too long to tell the person interested in you that you too are interested and wanting to give it a shot, instead opening the door for them to change their mind, get bored, find someone else.

It turns out he was right after all, you are just scared of your feelings. And who wants to admit that perhaps the most fucked up person they have dated is actually right? No one I tell you and that is bad enough. The kicker...his kid is adorable, not as cute as ours would be but cute and I needed to see that like a fat kids needs cake.

accents

I have mentioned this before but would like to ask again, how come after working in the US for so many years, dating American men, even living here I still can only understand every other word Salma Hayek says and about every 5th work Penelope Cruz says?

Also, has anyone noticed the accent on the woman in the Cadillac SUV commercials? Not the one with Dr. Addison Montgomery Shepard and the does your car turn me on commercials, the one with the brunette and the cup holders. It makes her so much hotter. Why is my accent a target for jokes and not a source of extra sexiness?

thanks for your votes

the 'fat kid loves all cake' option won with 70% of the vote. Which makes means that I have succeeded in surrounding myself with fat kids, so now I know I am doing something right with my life.

no confession, just an apology

lets be honest here

~People who say they don't believe in regret are lying to you. And probably regretting it.

~No one is so busy during their work day they can't reply to your 'just wanted to say hi' email. Hi is 2 letters and takes 10 seconds.

but of course

One of the things nearly everyone I know complains about is having to go get their car inspected. Most of us wait until the last minute, and then complain about how long it took to get through the line. I myself usually either go at the crack of dawn or take a long lunch…and usually check the webcams several times before leaving trying to time my arrival perfectly. Well, today I had to take the short bus to get inspected. I knew being the middle of the month it would’t be that bad but I was thinking this little task would at least take me an hour. Much like the rest of my life though, those dreams were shattered. I pulled out of the parking lot at some point after 10:30 am, first sign this was going to be too easy was that I was immediately able to turn left onto Poplar. I then managed to catch green lights until I got to Manassas, where turning left was very easy. I pull up to the inspection station and my heart sank. There was not a single damn car waiting. In ANY lane. NOT one. Inspection took no time and on the way home there was ONE red light. ONE. At 11:04 I walked back into the building. I waste more time thinking about which website to go to next then I did inspecting the damn shuttle. It just ain’t right y’all.

confession of the day

the real housewives of orange county

One of the new housewives this season, Quinn is a born-again Christian who doesn't believe in evolution. Sadly, this is the least of her problems. You see she has been divorced for the last 16 years and claims that she saves sex for marriage only. She has basically implied she has not had sex in the last 16 years. Now, there is a good chance like most Christians she does not practice what she preaches but she seems to be wound up so tightly I actually believe her. The thing is she has had all these relationships, including 2 that lasted about 4 years. Part of me just feels sorry for her, part of me is very jealous. Seriously? I can't seem to make someone be okay to waiting for 4 dates, how does she do it for 4 years? Let's not even get into the why would you do it? I would say she and the men she dates are just more evolved but...

in the red

In case you were wondering, there is really nothing sadder than being my age and logging into your bank account and seeing numbers in red. Sadly, there is no money to buy this fat kid some cake. Good thing I work within walking distance from home, because the little Saturn is about to demand some cake of his own…

no confession, just a reminder

ghost chef

I think I have a ghost in my house. This ghost is very friendly because he or she does not scare me. That is not to say living with a ghost is easy. You see, my ghost must have been a chef in their former life. Now most of you know I love to cook, but other that the occasional bowl of pasta and some pre-made cookies I have not really been cooking in my house lately. The ghost however has. The other day my whole house smelled like a Jacksonville roll, Friday night like Philly Cheesesteak, last night as I fell asleep a toasted bagel and this morning like chocolate chip cookies (which I have not baked.) Now I have learned that if my house smells like doughnuts its from the doughnut shop on one end of the street, falafel smell comes from the other end of the street, and grilling from the neighbor...but these other smells I cannot account for...

Is my fat kidness so powerful I can now smell the food or do you think I have a real ghost? And really, which is worse?

confession of the day

do you ever

catch yourself wondering what your favorite tv characters are doing right now? I do.

the oldest unmarried cousin

So in my last post I complained that a watched cell phone never rings...well, my finally rung last night. Since I have been ducking calls from the parents for about a week now, I felt like I needed to answer. And how do I wish I hadn't (Oprah is right, listen to your gut) because all they had to report is that yet another cousin is getting married.

While my mom is telling me this news, there was something in the tone of her voice I couldn't really identify. I think my mom has resigned herself to the fact that her sisters will never get to pass on this news about her kids. It is as if she has given up the hope that I will ever find someone and/or that my brother will finally make an honest woman out of his girlfriend. I may joke about it, but when you get the sense your own mother has given up...wow, now that's a low!

Mercifully, we managed to end the conversation before there was any mention of worrying about me because 'I am all alone.' Unfortunately, it was implied...


Oh I lied, the other news is that my mom still can't figure out how to send an email. And folks, she is the brains in the family.

why is it that...

~When I start to like an actor/actress and then find out they are Canadian, I kind of start liking them less? (possible answer: B/c Canada is just America's hat)

~Eight minutes into the announcements of the Golden Globes I already feel like I have been watching the ceremony for hours? (possible answer: Billy Bush is a moron & W's first-cousin)

~Much like a watched pot never boils, a watched cell phone never rings? (I have no answer, other than to give me yet another reason to cry myself to sleep)

confession of the day

like that is possible

An excerpt from my horoscope...

A mature attitude coupled with responsible action could turn a difficult situation into a positive one.

So sad. Even the msn.com astrologers are trying to make me into the a better person and yet...

miss america

Has anyone seen/heard about the TLC show "Miss America Reality Check"?

So the women on this show, all who are going to try to be Ms. America, get told they have a dinner party challenge. One woman says "I really hope the challenge is not about dinner etiquette, because I failed that class in college." I'm sorry. Failed that class in college? What college did she go to? I can't decide if I am jealous that I couldn't go to a school that offered that kind of class (then I sure would have had my Mrs. degree by now) or if I should call my mom and dad and thank them for demanding more than me. This may sound crazy but they just assumed etiquette was taught at home and oh I don't know, literature, economics, politics, etc at college?

Turns out the challenge was to talk about controversial issues. There is not enough time to discuss the ridiculous answers to questions regarding pre-marital sex, birth control (they didn't even mention the a word), gun control and gay marriage. All I know is we must vote for Miss Vermont because she at least tried to shut up some dumb bimbo who says she 'just can't understand homosexuality, let along letting them get married."

From what I gather we will be able to vote for Miss America...I'll of course keep you posted on when the voting starts AND who to vote for :)

confession of the day

jordan catalano is a great leaner

So I am wasting some time on people.com and decided to go throught he whole "Who were it best" fashion face-off poll. In th emiddle of it I came across a face-off between Rhea Pearlman (Cheers, Danny DeVito) and none other than the ultimate girl crush for anyone in high school in the 90's: Claire Danes. They were wearing the same dress and Claire was only winning by 2% of the vote. Oh, Claire what has happened to you?!?!? Nothing aginst Rhea Pearlman, but really you should not be wearing the same outfits! I voted for Claire of course, but to be honest Rhea probably looked better...yikes.

In somewhat related news, my second attempt at wasting time was to catch last week's Ugly Betty on-line...when I went to abc.com you will never guess what I found. Full episodes of 'My So-Called Life' :) SO EXCITED. They have 2 right now "The Substitute" and "Why Jordan Can't Read"...watching the latter which is also the one Angela's mom thinks she is preggers. Oh and the letter that expresses all of Angela's feelings for Jordan Catalano. I think real-life Claire is the only one who will truly appreciate this...

All I know is that Jordan is really a great leaner and Angela very insightful and still crush-worthy after all these years...And I can't wait until next Friday because a new one will be online and I think the next one is the one she wakes up and declares she is over Jordan Catalano and dances to Blister in the Sun...which I almost rented this week for some tips.

great advice

My horoscope just told me to let go of reason for the day. Hmmm...isn't letting go of reason how I got here in the first place?

intense urges wanted

I just saw an ad for 'requip' a medicine for restless leg syndrome. It had the usual extensive list of possible side effects...but there was this added gem: "Also, tell your doctor if you have experienced new or incresed gambling, sexual or other intense urges while taking this medication." Thanks to the DVR I rewound 3 times to make sure I heard right. Is it bad that I want to pretend to take this so I can explain why I'm thinking I need to go to Tunica this afternoon? And also, what could the other intense urges be? I think I would like some of those. So next time I just punch you in the face, please note it was my medication not me.

Sidebar: I am off today and watching day time tv. I have already lost part of my shrinking dignity watching 'The View." Somehow, I don't think I am going to get it back watchting Melrose Place...

confession of the day

lost love

I have been disappointed, angry and frustrated a lot lately by wide range of people and situations. Okay, fine. It is 3 people and 7 situations. In a perfect world the 3 people would know who they are but of course they don't. Anyways, that's neither here not there. There has been a new development. All my frustration can now be focused on one person. Who is the lucky one you ask? Well, it is none other than yours truly.

I am s angry and frustrated by what has happened with my phone. I miss it. I miss holding it. I miss the sounds it made. I miss the way the full keyboard felt in my hands. I miss it being there for me all the time, ready to entertain. I miss staring into its home screen, willing it to vibrate then ring (wes, stop giggling.) I desperately want more time together, at home, at work, in restaurants and smoky bars. I want more early mornings and late nights. I truly miss the way it made me feel. And I am frustrated I may never have those feelings again.

We all know I don't often put myself out here in relationships. And we all know, when I do it just blows up in my face. Recent events have only proved this. I miss my crackjack more than I have missed any past lover. And by lover you and I both know I mean a slice of cake.

leap year

I love that this is a leap year. Why you ask? Well, since I am turning 30 this year, the extra day gives me an extra day (shocking isn’t it?) to accomplish everything I need to before the big 3-0. Does anyone know of a program where I can learn how to surf, get a PhD from the JFK School of Government, learn Italian and French, skydive, travel the world, go to culinary school and find someone to spend the rest of my life with all while losing 100lbs in the next 255 days?

confession of the day

but of course...

So I of course could not just leave the phone alone. In trying to figure out how to make my phone ring and vibrate I managed to finish it off. The place where the SIM card goes in has now been dislodged and won't read it. I think it is actually dead for good. And I am back to using my retarded, doesn't hold a charge, circa 2002 phone. It is off to the Cingular, excuse me, the new AT&T store tomorrow to sweet talk them into giving me a cheap new phone or to cancel my data plan so I can start saving to pay full price. Awesome. Have I mentioned how much I love 2008?

OMG. Just realized old phone had Livin' On A Prayer as my ringtone. A little Bon Jovi and life just doesn't seem as bad!

possibility

While at work I check my hotmail account all the time. There is a moment on hotmail, after you press ‘check mail’ that is so full of possibility. You sit and hope that your friends have sent you something funny or an invitation to do something or maybe the person you have a crush on has emailed you or that ex has come to their senses or maybe a good job offer is finally coming your way. It is bad enough when ‘no new messages pops up’ but when ‘you have new messages’ pops up, the anticipation is almost unbearable. And then you get a message! Oh the excitement! Then you realize none of the above possibilities have come true. All you have is a Pizza Hut coupon. Set in the despair. And to add insult to injury, lets be honest that you need pizza like...

random thoughts

~I have a friend who calls me every morning on his way to work. Inevitably he asks me ‘well, do you have anything new and exiting going on today?’ There is nothing worse then being reminded before I even get out of bed that nothing new and exiting is going to happen today. It’s a miracle I ever do get up.

~My friend Zanada texted me this am for the first time in a long time. Her text simply read ‘Today I am realizing how much I hate my job.’ Now, a good friend would worry if everything was alright. Me? I was just jealous she has just come to that conclusion.

~I have decided to back Hillary for President. I’m not really sure I agree with her BUT she is married to Bill and I would love to see more of him. All I have to say is that I don’t blame Monica.

~I hate when people want me to feel sorry for them because they can’t make relationships work. Why exactly should I feel sorry for you? The truth is I am rather envious. You are like a whole 10 steps ahead of me. I can’t start a relationship, let along screw it up!

~I am one of those people who really believes life is a competition. My friends seem to agree as we are always trying to out do one another with our stories. I have noticed a new trend the past few years, one that worries me a little. Once upon a time we were trying to outdo each other with who had the better grades, the hotter date and most importantly who drank the most before passing out. Now, it seems like we spend our time trying to prove who had the shittier day at work, who has gone the longest without getting any and sadly, who is the most hungover. Is this an indication we are just getting older or are we just that pathetic?

in the toilet

I've heard stories about people dropping their phones into the toilet and the truth is that I have always thought those people were stupid. I mean really, who does that? Well, as of 3:46pm cst on 01.09.08 I became one of them. The phone is working as normal with one slight detail...the speakers are not working. It does not ring and it does not vibrate. So now I will only know if you are calling me if I am staring at my phone. And y'all know that I need to stare at my phone more like, well you know...a fat kid needs cake.

my new dream

I have finally figured out what kind of career I want. I want to be one of those people that just sit at coffee shops and other places with wireless internet. They drink their coffee, talk on the cells, text from the crackberry and every once in a while type furiously for about 5 minutes. Then they stare into space. I look at them and I am jealous.

So here is the new dream...I will post things here. You will read them. You will tell all your friends. They will tell all their friends. And much like an STD it will keep spreading, only in a good way. Then, one day I will get paid to what I would gladly do for free. So get to work so I can sit at Starbucks and not work.