management

So all my working life I have wanted to be on the 'management team.' Most of you know I am not that power hungry but to be honest I just wanted to have an in to hear gossip first hand. Well, now that I am 'management' or at least our version of it I am desperate to get out.

Last week we had a meeting and I decided I would track the comments being made....here are the results:
*Comments irrelevant to me outweight the relevant ones by a ration of 3 to 1.
*There were 7 comments made that were just plain stupid; 12 that were pointless.
*6 comments were made just to 'prove' tot he others the person was 'smart' and all 6 failed at achieving the goal.
*4 questions were asked that sent us into tangents we could not recover from.
*The phrase 'strategic plan' was used 8 times. And no, we are not in the midst of working on a strategic plan.

Needless to say I only paid attention at the meeting so I could report those numbers back to you.

do you think there will be a point...

When my current co-workers will stop acting like the woman who had the job before me was perfect?

friends, she is lounging at home watching tv...

So this 1/2 ton woman killed her nephew. It is a horrible story, and Nancy Grace is mad (I know, shocking.) One version is that she fell on the child. The best part is that they claim that they can't take the lady to jail because she is so fat.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/crime/2008/03/27/ng.killer.too.obese.for.jail.cnn

"If I can pay for the war in Iraq, I can pay for this lady to go to jail"

PS. Does anyone think nancy gracy has a little angry tyrant she should take on a walk?

i want to be one of those people...

who can get away with refusing to do things at work that they don't want to. I don't mean major parts of my job descriptions (well, I don't really want to do most of those either) but the little things. I am sitting in my office listening to someone talk about how a co-worker does not want to do something.

Two of my co-workers are discussing how 'well, that's just her, what can you do" Uh, a lot. You can make her do it. Or you can fire her. That was easy. If only I got to be in charge.

Happy Easter!

my therapist says...

I need to sit down and list what I am looking for in a job before I even look for a new job (not that I am looking...) After much deliberation these are the final criteria I have come up with...

1. Job must start no earlier than 9 am and end no later than 5 pm. And frankly I need these to be guidelines not set in stone.
2. 2 hour lunches must be encouraged, not frowned upon
3. free massages (the FFL was not all bad!)
4. TV with cable in my office (no premium channels necessary)
5. Watching March Madness is encouraged. Bracket tournament for cash mandatory.
6. Flexible schedule during the World Cup. If I am up early watching the games, I need a nap in the afternoon.
7. NO WEEKENDS AND NO HOLIDAYS
8. At least one day off a month allotment for hangovers.
9. Wine and cheese at staff meetings.
10. Work week will be Monday to Friday.

Am I asking for too much?

how i feel at work...

facebook

So Sunday night I decided to join facebook. And yes, I know I am always a couple of years behind the curve. I have to say it has been a huge ego boost. Who knew I had so many 'friends'? People see really excited to see me there and that my friends is the excitement.

Yesterday it hit me that since I can't go on it at work and can only check it on my phone I am not going to be able to do as much with it as I would want to. So the despair hit. I now have yet another vehicle in which to ignore my friends.

taking to the bed

Natalie always tells some story about a great aunt or other distant relative who one day just took to the bed and stopped leaving the house. It has sort of become a joke in our friend group, often when I don't want to go out on a Friday night I claim I am taking to the bed.


I am now seriously considering taking to the bed. After this weekend, it seems so much safer than being around you guys.

being in college is hard...

According to a new study, "College kids are so frazzled they can't sleep or eat. Or study. Good grief, they're even anxious about spring break."

Remember when we felt that way as undergrads?

I think I found my new career...I want to go on a speaking tour of colleges on the premise that I will help them cope with the stress of college life. What I will really do is tell them to stop being stupid, get drunk and have fun because approximately 15 minutes after the celebratory graduation lunch with their parents, they will finally know what real stress is like. Mine came in the form of $100 bucks in cash from my dad, a pat on the back and no future.

for my next job...

Someone please remind me to make sure I get Good Friday off from whatever job I get next. Having to work this Friday just ain't christian.

how come i can't make that kind of money?

wine for lunch?

The best exchange ever from the Gilmore Girls...

Richard: Only prostitutes drink two glasses of wine at lunch.
Emily: Well then, get me a feather boa and fly me to Reno because I am open for business.

I have never wanted to be a prostitute more...

riddle me this

Why is it that the worst you look and feel the more people you will run into at the grocery store? Have I asked this before? I just want to know why I don't learn this lesson and just get properly dressed to go buy my cocoa puffs.

how sad is this?

I'm home sick and was I was so excited because I thought I could watch Kate and Allie episodes...and they are not on :(

I want to cry now.

how technology has changed my life...

I didn't have a cell phone in college and a dial up internet connection so when I got really drunk the next morning I usually only had to apologize to the people I was with and very rarely to someone I had drunk emailed. Then came the cell phone and I had to start apologizing for drunk dials. Now, I have text messages to apologize for.

Technology is supposed to make our lives easier and it usually does, except when I get drunk and then have to apologize for my call, texts, emails, and not to mention the way I behaved in front of people. And let me tell you folks, with the new phone I had a lot of apologizing to do.

check out the sides...

new autobiography title and hang over entries. Yes, it was a banner friday.

happy st patty's day! The second option

my dignity, lost and found

Last week I was going to let you guys know I thought my dignity had been found. Then I went out Friday night and lost it again. Then I decided that I wasn't going to let that second shot of Jagermeister define me and that I was in fact going to announce my dignity restored. And then I found myself at 9 am this morning, eating a chicken biscuit, at the laundromat, in flip flops, in dirty jeans, an oversized fleece jacket and no bra on. Yup, lost it again.

happy st patty's day!

my sincere apologies...

for not posting very often in the last 2 weeks, I could make lots of excuses but frankly I just didn't feel very funny. I do appreciate all of your comments about how much you 'rely' and 'need' the blog to make it through the day.

I would promise that I will always blog in a timely fashion but then I would be lying.

i got an iphone and now...

a guest blogger

I'm not feeling particularly funny today. Actually, I am not feeling funny at all so I wanted to have a guest blogger...The one, the only Wesley Meador. Here are his musings today:

from a txt: Is it bad that I think Geraldine Ferraro is hot. I think its her fiesty nature. Just read the story on cnn about her comments. I think she is right.

and an email: this whole spitzer thing...Really? Governor of the best state in the country and you think you can get away with paying for sex? Did he not see what happened to his neighboring governor when he came out of the closet a few years ago? Really? Can't you just do an intern like Bill taught us? Geez.

Feel free to send in your own entries today!

confession of the day

the spring patio is...

The Bayou!!! Yea, that is my fave spring patio so I am glad it won. My excitement though has turned into despair because while there this Sunday I realized they no longer have my beloved heffie on tap. Please ask for it eveytime you go so that they can bring it back!

we like anything...

as long as it gets us drunk. Screwdrivers and beer won, followed by mimosas as brunch faves. I also know that at least 2 people did not vote because their favorites are bloody marys. Which means there are no favorites...we are equal opportunity drunks.

confession of the day

I wish i could have been there...

Please see the bolded section. I am now going to attempt to do this with all stupid people. I am thinking it may become my full time job ;)

Rove taunted at University of Iowa
Posted: 02:00 PM ET

Rove spoke at the University of Iowa Sunday.
(CNN) — Former top Bush aide Karl Rove didn't get the friendliest of receptions at the University of Iowa Sunday, CNN affiliate KCRG reports.
Rove, who was paid $40,000 to speak at the University, was confronted with an at-times hostile crowd of 1,000, and was interrupted on several occasions.
At one point during the speech, Rove reportedly lashed out at some of the students, saying, "You got a chance to ask your questions later and make your stupid statements, let me make mine."
Police also were forced to remove two people after they tried to perform a citizen’s arrest on Rove for what they said were his crimes while a member of the Bush Administration.
At one point, a person asked Rove if he has ever shed a tear over the war in Iraq.
"I shed a lot of tears and I have been inspired by many of the people who feel their son or daughter should not have to die in vain," he replied.
Toward the end of the speech a member of the crowd yelled, "Can we have our $40,000 back?"
Rove replied, “No, you can't.”
Radio Iowa also reports one audience member told Rove that MSNBC's Keith Olbermann named him the "worst person ever."
"Ever?" Rove joked. "Yea, worse than Hitler, worse than Stalin, worse than Mao and worse than the person who introduced aluminum baseball bats."
Cameras were only allowed to film the beginning of the speech.

case of the mondays

I have been up since 6:45 am. It is now 8:45 am. I should be dressed and ready to be at work shouldn't I? Yet, here I am lying in bed, not dressed, wondering how I am going to make it to work on time today. I hate Mondays.

which is worse?

When I come in the office each day I have to stop by the front desk. Sometimes the person working is all kinds of cheerful and I am grumpy. Sometimes the person working is grumpy and I am grumpy. I can't figure out which I hate the most. I just don't want to chat about the weather and assorted non-sense but I also don't want to hear you bitch about YET another thing one of us did wrong because no one is perfect like you. Frankly, I just wish no one would talk to me.

has anyone seen...

my dignity? I lost it at some point last Nov/Dec and I am desperate to find it. Please leave any tips on the comment section. Thank you.

obama's speech

First of all, not well rehearsed as he has stumbled several times. Its called practice and he needs way more of it. The last thing we need is another President who can't speak.

Does he get that he is not MLK? Or JFK?

And that the world is a much harsher place than the couch on the Oprah show?

caucus this

So Texas has a primary AND a caucus. Really? Both? If anyone has he answer to why they feel the need to make this even more complicated please let me know.

Can we please give TX back to Mexico?

Also, there was no democratic primary in Florida and Michigan where Clinton won the vote but gets no delegates. And so there is a chance that Florida has once again screwed us. Having grown up there I often wish I could move back, but today, I really want to just give it to Cuba and call it a day.

is this good or bad?

I'm torn over the fact that Blacks and Latinos are really defining this election. On one hand, its about time. On the other, shouldn't we be united against all you white folks?

we don't know the tx results yet...

but I my God I want Hillary to win. She just has to.

She mentioned that no President has been elected without winning their Ohio primary. That kind of makes me nervous. If she is not the nominee then say hello to yet another old white man president.

Did anyone catch the way she said Bush's name in her speech? I have heard Holocaust survivors say Hitler's name with less disgust.

the queen

Do you think that at times when the Queen is in some sort of large public gathering and hundreds if not thousands of people are singing 'God Save the Queen' she catches herself thinking 'hey they are singing about me?' or is it just another day on the job for her?

they say its not paranoia

...if they are really out to get you. I am here to say they really are out to get me. Who is 'they'? I won't name names but you know damn well who you are.

jlo's twins

I am kind of disapointed in JLo and Marc Anthony. Max and Emme really? Was there not a single Latin name they could have agreed on? I mean you don't have to name your kids Jose and Maria but...

I guess I shold just be glad they didn't name them Apple and Banana.

to all my catholics

texas

Do you ever meet someone or see someone on tv and not like them but can't figure out why? Then you find out they are from Texas and everything suddenly makes sense?

i can't believe you won't do this for me

A man had his friend shoot him in the shoulder so that he would not have to go to work and take a drug test. Now I have never had to worry about taking a drug test but I often don't want to go to work and none of you have ever offered to do that for me. And here I was thinking we were good friends.

anger management

Did anyone hear about the guy who plead guilty to asault for hitting a woman on his way to anger management class? Awesome.

this message you respond to

So it is no secret that I love to text message everyone about everything. More often than not, they never get answered. Which other than when I am trying to ask you to dinner its not that big of a deal. But then yesterday I sent a group text message praising the weather and letting everyone know that outdoor drinking season can officially begin.

Well, within 2 seconds my phone was ringing off the hook. Nearly everyone responded. And this is why I love my friends. Mention alcohol and they all get excited!

spring patio

Please vote for where we should spend March to Memorial Day. After a Memorial Day bash at Wes' we will then move on to a summer locale. Pre-requisites to a good spring locale: Alcohol, a few fans; adjustable shade; not too many gays, straights, families or people with lots of friends.

If you vote for other, drop me a note letting me know what the 'other' is. That way it may be added to our list!