the oscars

So I watched the Oscars last night (in between doing the dishes) because not watching them would be weird. Growing up Oscar night was one of the random nights a year my mom would always let me stay up for. I could not help but make some notes on my thoughts of the whole proceedings.

Overall it was very boring but to me not as long as it could have been…

The Red Carpet:
*John Travolta…is his hair painted on?
*Javier Bardem…makes me nervous. Am I repulsed by him or do I want to have his babies?
*Carrie Bradshaw is right…Clooney never goes out of style.
*Helen Mirren…why do the Britts always sound smarter than you Americans?
*I can’t decide how I feel about Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana…mostly I think I am angry she seems to think she has the best of both worlds…while I am dying to have the best of one!

Hour 1:
*Jon Stewart is funny but I will forever miss Billy Crystal. He is to the Oscars what Sean Connery is to James Bond.
* Have I mentioned Clooney looks good?
*HATE Katherine Heigl. If you are so ‘nervous’ then don’t accept the job of speaking in front of 600 million ppl. Trust me, you are over exposed as is.
* Jennifer Husdon’s boobs….out of control.
*Javier wins and speaks in Spanish to his mom. I need a minute.

Hour 2:
*LOVE that they left Marisa Tomei out of the supporting actress montage.
* Michael Clayton’s lady shocked she won. And so am I. She obviously thought Cate Blanchette (who looked good) was going to win because she didn’t bother to wear make-up and wore a sack dress Dorothy on the Golden Girls would wear.
*Alan Arkin and Sydney Poitier…best voices ever. Want them to read to me.
*I want to be Kristen Chenoweth to be my friend. She may have to be added to my bowling team roster.
*If Helen Mirren, Dame Judy and the Living Legend aren’t nominated, were movies even made?
*What does Laura Linney have to do to win an Oscar? I mean, other than consistently being one of the best actresses of her generation? I don’t know if she deserved a nomination let along a win but she is a girl crush and I must fight for her!
*I have seen 26 of the 79 Best Pictures winners. 26 of 80 by the end of the show.

Hour 3 & Hour 3+
*I’m bored. And I have lost interest.
*Renee ‘I have a stick up my ass’ Zellweger presents and I don’t want to throw anything at the tv. I must be growing soft in my old age.
*I understood Penelope Cruz!
*Documentary short subject lady is screaming at me during her acceptance speech. Why? I like same sex couples. I’m scared.
*Yay Juno wins something. Boo for us almost seeing the writer’s private squares.
*Daniel Day Lewis. Seems too smart for me.
*Where have I been? Frances McDormand is married to Joel Cohen?

This is all I have to say. Pretty much as boring as the ceremony itself.

PS. I love the speeches that make you cry. Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, etc. This year the closest I got to crying was a JC Penney commercial…